The Last Day of May

Hello. It’s been a while since I last posted. I’ve been doing okay, I guess. It’s May 31st of 2017. We’re a day early from the middle of the year. We’ve made it through the past five months of the new year. Can you still call it the “new” year? It’s a year and it’s somewhat new to us. Either way, we’ve survived and that’s all that matters.

I’m quite sad that May is coming to an end. May is “Mental Health Awareness Month”. I think it’s important that we’ve dedicated an entire month to mental health. I remember my debate teacher told me “mental health shouldn’t be treated as any different from a physical illness”. They are both important to take care of. They deserve equal attention and support. So don’t forget to take care of yourself, mentally and physically! That’s advice I should take myself.

This month was full of disappointment, to be honest. So many personal issues have made guest star appearances in my life. I don’t want to, but family has been my main issue. I lost a friend/ex-boyfriend this month. The good thing is our relationship didn’t last very long. It wasn’t going anywhere. I’m a high school sophomore and he was a senior. My advice to myself, “Don’t date a senior if you know it won’t last.” The problem is that I move on too fast depending on the person. Not too good but I’ll live.

I hope you enjoyed this quick update. I hope you have a good last day of May. I hope that June brings you happiness, joy and everything that will help you. Keep living no matter how hard things get. I’m struggling myself but I’m trying to continue. I want you all to continue with your days. It’s been Txni from Txni Writes. Thank you for reading.

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Update: 5/13/17

Hello! I have a story to get off my chest!

I recently broke up with someone, our relationship wasn’t going to get very far for many reasons. He was driving me home from school when we had this conversation.  So let’s call this kid “John”. While John was driving me home, I mentioned one of my favorite memories, going to a city I love. This city is a LGBT+ friendly place.  When I mentioned the city, he said “being around a lot of gays makes me really uncomfortable.” That’s what got to me. If I were driving, I would’ve stopped the car. I asked him what he meant and he said, “the thought of being gay is disgusting”. I almost lost my mind!

You can’t make a comment like that and not expect to be judged by me. I understand that not everyone in this world accepts anyone in the LGBT+ community, but it’s 2017, I thought this year would make a change and open up everyone’s mind to find equality. It’s just shocking to me to hear someone call homosexuality “disgusting”. Who are you to judge someone on their sexual preference?

John told me that his opinion is his opinion and I should accept his opinion. I completely understand that everyone is entitled to their opinion. But when I asked him about his thoughts on lesbians he said, “lesbians are pretty cool”.  I was fuming. You can accept lesbians for who they are but you can’t accept a gay man. I told him before I started dating him that I sexually identify as bisexual. He kinda seemed shocked when I told him, but I let it go.

Update (8:58pm): So I was confronted earlier today (before this was even posted) that I’m being petty. Honestly, I don’t care because I need to express myself and thoughts. I literally did not mean to offend “John”, but he offended me (that wasn’t his intentions). I feel like I’m just screwing up all my friendships. If you want to check my tweets on the situation, just check out my profile (@txni_ghost).

Txni

Update: 5/8/17

Hello internet user! It’s Txni with another update. I could go on and on about what’s going on in my life. I haven’t been posting as often as I did when I started this blog. Maybe every blogger has that problem at first or maybe it’s just me. Hopefully I am not losing your interest. I’m still trying to find what interests you and still write what I want to write.

I’ve been trying to spend time with myself. Just me, myself, and I. I need time to figure what’s going on inside this messy brain. I’m dealing with some overwhelming emotions right now. I want to find a way to cope with these emotions. So I am on the hunt for some positive coping skills. If you have any positive coping skills, help your girl out. Please comment some ways you’ve learned to cope with stressful and emotional situations. Maybe I can do a “What Helps Me Cope” post by the end of May, with all your help.

FASHION: Fashion is one of my favorite things in this world. I recently went to my local Goodwill (a great thrift shop, but kinda expensive). I picked up a jean jacket, a Mick Jagger graphic tee, and two other graphic tees. I spent around $30, which is all the money I have (no joke, I’m officially broke). Hey! “No joke, I’m officially broke” rhymes. I’m proud of myself for that. Below are pictures of me sporting my new jean jacket and Mick Jagger shirt. (By the way, I am a sucker for classic rock! My style ranges from a “emo” look to ” 90’s grunge” to “kinda girly” look.)  I look forward to doing a post on my style throughout the week.

 

I hope you all have a wonderful Monday evening (or whenever you read this). I hope you enjoyed this.  Please comment any feedback, like, and share with friends and family. Thank you so much for reading.  -Txni

Control

I never thought about the definition of control. Sometimes we don’t think about the word itself but we know exactly how to use it. I decided to look up what control actually meant. As I looked through all the definitions (so many to read), I realized it all comes down to one word, “power”.  We all have control over something, we all have the power to do what we want. Now, that doesn’t mean what we do (or what we don’t do) is right or wrong. Controlling a situation has consequences. Everything we do has consequences.

We have control over everything, from choosing what time to go to sleep to choosing what career you want to have. You have the power to choose and pick what is good (or bad) for you and/or others. You have the power to make this new day good for you. I have control over my actions (although I sometimes wish I didn’t, which sounds kinda weird) like the rest of the world does. It’s all based on YOU.

I struggle with self-control. My brain has a mind of its own!  I know what’s right from wrong, but I still do the wrong things. I just so happen to be impulsive. I don’t think sometimes, so my actions aren’t always good for the moment. They’re almost always not good for the moment. I need to work on that. If you struggle with impulsivity, we’ll make it through this. We just need some time to make progress. We need to learn to take full responsibility for our actions, and take the time to think about how much we can control the situation to avoid a disaster.

Take time to think about what you can control. Not everything is in your hands, but try to make the best out of the things you can control.

Thank you for reading. Please comment any suggestions and what I should work on,  like, and follow. Have a wonderful and worry-free weekend!

Txni

Looking Into The Future

I’m scared of what the future has to offer. I’m uncertain if I’ll even have a future (I mean no one knows the future). The future is full of mysteries and I want to figure them out. Well… do I want to figure it out? I don’t know.

Sometimes I imagine myself with a future. I want to get out of South Florida and into Washington. I want to do something with Psychology and English, maybe some music. I want a beautiful, eco-friendly and minimalist apartment in downtown Seattle. I want to help people in any way possible. That’s my dream. (I know, I know. I’m such a hipster wannabe.)

Sometimes I don’t see myself with a future. Will I even be alive tomorrow? We don’t know what’s going to happen every second of the day. I don’t know what will happen in the next minute. I hate that feeling. I hate knowing that I don’t actually know anything. It’s frustrating to me. But I don’t know if knowing is scarier than not knowing. Maybe you’ll agree with me on this.

I want everyone to enjoy their day. You deserve the best, even if we don’t know our futures. I’d tell you some advice but I don’t even follow my own advice. Thank you for reading. Please comment, like, and follow Txni Writes. -Txni

 

Update: 4/27/17

Am I okay? I ask myself this question every second of every day. More and more I answer with no. Will I be okay? I’m hoping that the answer will be yes. Someday I’ll feel better than okay, better than average. I just wish I wasn’t feeling so down this week.

I’ve been on a roadtrip to nowhere for the sixteen and a half years I’ve been alive. I’ve made unplanned pit stops and made them a routine. I’m going 85 in a 45 mph zone. I’ve spent days driving without taking the tiniest of breaks. I want to cut the road trip short. I’m tired of sight-seeing and breakdowns. I’m tired of sleepless nights. I’m tired of the excess caffeine. I want to get off the road. This road trip has been full of detours, and I just want to get to my final destination.

I want everyone to have a great day. I will probably post again today. I plan on posting a video of my latest poem along with a 13 Reasons Why post. I have some ideas for this blog. I just don’t know what you guys would like to read. Please comment any topics or ideas you’d like me to read about. Thank you. -Txni

 

 

 

 

 

Update: 4/21/17

Hello! I’m back with an update. I have no exciting news. I had testing this week and it’s finally over. I’m pretty sure I passed. I literally have slept through this entire week. I swear it’s the meds. (I didn’t mean in like a druggie way. It’s all prescribed medications.) I’ve started a new post. It’s very personal and I don’t know if you’d like to read it. It’s basically about my life since I’ve turned sixteen. So let me know in the comments if you’d like to read it. I’m nervous about this post. I’m very open at the same time. If I post it, it’ll give you background on me and all the things I’ve been through.

I’m in a very bad Wifi setting, so this will be a very quick update. Nothing is loading properly. I hope everything still looks okay.

Things That Make Me Happy Part 1

Hey! My friends will find this post to be surprising. Most of my friends think I haven’t found anything that makes me “happy” and not want to kill myself (<— kinda depressing tbh). This is just an update for now. Please be happy reading this.

Music: Music will always make me happy. Well… most of the time. (Disclaimer: I lied when I said the word “happy”. Things will always make me feel some sort of way besides happy.) I love music and always will. My current favorite artists and songs are:

Watsky- His album x Infinity is absolutely amazing. He disses politicians like our president, Donald Trump. I live in Florida of the United States of America.

Childish Gambino- If you couldn’t tell already, I LOVE him as much as he loves Asian girls.

The Neighbourhood- I’ve had a crush of Jesse Rutherford since I Love You came out in 2013. I was in the 6th grade dreaming about marrying him.

Noname- She has very recently ( like a couple of days ago) has become my favorite female rapper (next to CL). I should be doing a review on Noname and Ivy Sole next week or so.

Queen- You can’t forget some classic rock. I wish I was born in the 80’s or 90’s. I was one year late from being a 90’s baby. I jam out to classics from Queen like every day. (Queen’s Don’t Try Suicide is one of my favorites.)

Netflix: I love Netflix! There’s nothing better than having time to binge-watch some shows. My current favorites are Supernatural, Bates Motel, and 13 Reasons Why.

This was just part one of all things that currently make me happy. I might create a playlist on Spotify of my current favorites. Thank you for reading. -Txni